Mommy Heart

This crazy thing happens when you become a mother, you grow an extra heart. Ok, maybe not actually grow another heart but the strings of your previous heart are much more easily tugged on. Since I have become a mother I have been an emotional mess. I get choked up at everything. 

So bear with me during this post. 

I own my own small business. I network with TONS of people daily. I follow one family online that breaks my heart every time I talk to them. Their daughter was born with brain cancer. Their little girl is just over a year old and sadly is losing her battle with cancer. She will pass away in the days/weeks to come. This breaks my mommy heart, hell, it breaks my regular heart. 

I think about how lucky I am and how completely ungrateful I am. I complain when my daughter is screaming at me. I'm tired when she still wakes up several times at night. I'm upset when she colors on the wall. I feel like motherhood is a trial and not a blessing. Then I have to take a deep breath and a step back. I remember to be grateful for the screaming child because she is healthy enough to scream.  I am thankful to be alive and have a body that can function on little sleep. I am blessed to have a creative and spunky child who keeps me on my toes. Other families do not have those simple blessings. This family is just glad to have every little moment with their daughter before she is gone. This sweet girl reminds me every day to hold Madison close and to give her extra kisses. To hold my temper instead of yelling. 

Not every day of motherhood is great, but there are moments of greatness in every day.

We never know how much time we have on this earth. Each day should be given your best effort and we should find something to be thankful for every day. 

I was at Bible Study with some girl friends last week and we talked about several questions that made you step back and think about things you would change in your life. One question was "if you only lived to be 40, what would you do differently?" That got me thinking about all sorts of things in my life. But the first thing that came to mind was to start my family earlier and love them more. Did not expect that to come out. I thought I would say something like "travel more" or "be a stunt double" or something crazy like that. Deep inside, I love being a mother. I love having a family. I love MY family. If I only had such limited time on this earth, I would want to spend every moment with them.