I'm sorry

To the next door neighbor that saw me in all my chubby pregnant naked glory this morning,

I am sorry. 

I have no control over the horribly placed bathroom window right out side your door. If I had the choice, I would have never put it at torso height or directly outside the shower. It really was horrible timing for the both of us. I mean what teen age boy mows his lawn at 9am in the SUMMER? Shouldn't you be sleeping? 

In actuality, you should be thanking me though. 

I have taught you a very important life lesson, several actually. 

1. Don't have unprotected sex or the image you just saw will become a reality for you. 

2. In fact, don't have sex at all. Waiting till your married works best. 

3. When you are married and the time comes to procreate with your wife, congrats. It's a fun time. 

If you make it through her pregnancy without being eaten alive by the hormones, please promise me one thing... 

If you ever see your very pregnant wife naked, try your hardest to NOT make the same face you made when you saw me.  The face of sheer disgust and horror said it all. She will cry and most likely yell at you. 

I however on the other hand can quickly grab my towel, laugh and pray you didn't actually see as much as I think you did. Then sit on my bed repeating " I'm not fat, I'm pregnant" over and over until you are done mowing your backyard and pray that never happens again, never. 

In conclusion, you are welcome for the mental scars and the words of advice. 

Sincerely, 

Your very embarrassed and pasty white neighbor.